dont cancel love…just know what to look for…

    I know so many friends who’ve  spent years even decades in turmoiled relationships trying everything to make things work. And during those oppressed relationships distrust, bitterness, and disappointment developed  in their heart towards their mate. So many women give up their “good” years to a man who creates their hell on earth, just  to watch the relationship slowly suck the life living blood out of their hearts.

The “good” years, yes those years of your youth when you were  innocent and would love naively.  When no word that he spoke was ever doubted. When you had no insecurities when he was in the presence of other women. When there was no need to look through his cellphone. When him getting home late never prompted a discussion.

Now you are in a new relationship, with a potential  “Mr. Right” this time. But even though he hasn’t given you any reason to doubt him, every word he speaks you analyze and are suspicious, when you are at the mall, you are watching his eyes to see if they steer off course. Always trying to discover a way to be alone with his cell phone, and you raise an eyebrow if he had to make any pit stops on the way home from work. The baggage and distrust have found its way into your new relationship. I know its hard. You unconsciously guard your heart against experiencing the pain.

But how can you be loved without allowing someone to love you? How do you open your heart up while guarding against the pain that may come? You simply can’t. Your desire to find love has to be greater than your fear of pain. If your fear of pain overshadows every thought when you think about relationships, then you need more time away. You may not be able to bring back the years of your youth, but you still have plenty of good years left.

When beginning a new relationship, you can’t eliminate the risk of pain. But you can minimize the risk by assessing the history of the person you are dealing with. Dont be shallow in the beginning. Who cares what your favorite color is or whether or not you like pizza!  Start right away plunging into his relationship patterns and his interactions with family and friends. Track his lifestyle and everyday activities. How important is keeping appointments? How often do you communicate with family? What are your personal short-term and long-term goals? What are some of your regrets? What one thing about yourself do you wish you could change? How would your boss describe you?  After you’ve been through a few failed relationships you realize the importance of being very direct and clear, in your intentions and expectations  of a relationship. Banks and lenders refer to a persons credit history as a basis for determining their credit worthiness.   Shouldnt you adopt the same system that has proven effective for multi billion dollar corporations. History doesn’t lie. The person you are today is very similar to the  person you were 5 years ago.

Pay attention to “life” history and “relationship” history, there’s a story waiting to be told within it. And from there you can determine a persons “relationship worthiness”. You cant guard your heart against pain, but you can minimize the risk. Become a student of his personal history and take another chance on love…

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Werent you in the same situation not long ago??

The bulk of adversity we face in our lives is always similar in nature, with just slightly different variations. The place that you are financially, spiritually, and mentally is probably the same place that you were this time last year. Have you ever noticed that we always seem to attract the same type of relationships, the same type of friends, and always find ourselves in the same type of situations? Are you one whose relationships always seem to start or end in a similar nature? Do you find yourself getting ahead financially for a season, but slowly revert back to your original financial state? Why does it seem that we live in circles?  A revolving door of circumstances and situations that seem to repeat themselves over and over in our lives.

      How do we begin the process of “changing circles”? Lets start by doing this, look over your life and your thoughts have probably been consistent to the circles your life has revolved in. What you think directly affects what you experience in your world. How do you change your thoughts? I’ve found that changing thought patterns that have been in practice in our minds for  decades can be especially challenging. So I adopted a new strategy. Why not just create more thoughts. The more material you have as thought, the less likely you are to revert back to your small inventory of collective thinking. Think of it as if you bought a raffle ticket. If there were only three tickets purchased, then the likelihood of yours being pulled from the hat is very high. Now imagine  there were  150 tickets to pull from, your odds of winning have been greatly decreased. So when you have a larger a bank of thoughts and concepts to pool from you decrease the odds of selecting your old patterns.

      So.. How do you create new thoughts? New thoughts or ideas are created through new experiences. When you encounter new situations and new experiences you create new thoughts and ideas. Science has proven that old pathways of thought actually can close. So how do you create new experiences to create new thoughts and ideas to create new circumstances?  The question can be quite overwhelming. But you don’t have to go on a two week safari in Africa to create new thoughts. You can start right where you are simply by forcing yourself to do things you normally don’t do. If you bowl frequently, pick a nite to go roller skating. If you always watch romance movies, force yourself to watch a good sci-fi. If you hit the gym in the morning, then start going in the evening sometimes. Force yourself to engage in new activities.

    As you stop using old thought pathways they will eventually close. Through new experiences you create new thoughts and when your thoughts change so do your circumstances… Your life has been so predictable  for so long, determine in your heart to “change your circle” today. Dont read this article again a year from today and still be positioned internally in the same place…